1. ‘Birthday’ by The Beatles
As if they weren't busy enough laying the groundwork for the next 60 years of pop music, the Fab Four also tossed off this bowtied b-day nugget on the White Album.
We can do so, so much better than another chorus of ‘Happy Birthday’
Apologies to Patty and Mildred J. Hill, but on the list of the best birthday songs, ‘Happy Birthday to You’ is all the way down at the bottom. Sure, it’s claimed to be the most recognisable song in the English language, but it’s repetitive, the melody blows, and it doesn’t slap even a little bit. ‘For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow’ isn’t much better. Way to uphold the patriarchy there, anonymous 18th-century French composer!
The good news is, we no longer have to be in thrall to these weak-ass jams on what’s supposed to be the most joyful day of the year. Over the last half-century, songwriters have been working to give us some actual bangers to commemorate our born days. From classic rock anthems to club-quaking hits, here are 30 awesome birthday songs that absolutely do not suck.
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As if they weren't busy enough laying the groundwork for the next 60 years of pop music, the Fab Four also tossed off this bowtied b-day nugget on the White Album.
Stevie penned this birthday tune for Martin Luther King Jr., as part of the campaign to get the day recognized as a national holiday. And it worked! Everybody one for once.
Truth be told, despite the famous opening line, the song is about partying like it’s your birthday, not on your literal birthday. But hey, as long as you’re of age, no one’s going to question the actual date on your ID when you order that bottle of bub.
As Leslie reminds, it’s your birthday so do whatever you damn well please, even if it’s making the rest of the people at your party feel extremely awkward.
This trippy '80s pop song is a perfect combo of a peppy tune, dreamy synth and catchy lyrics, making it the band’s most successful song and a fun one for celebrating.
Save tune from Beyoncé & Co.'s 1998 debut for when it’s time to slow things down, post-cake and ice cream.
The quick-tongued wordsmith breaks it down for your special day... we think. The guy raps really fast, so it’s sometimes hard to tell.
Nothing says ‘Happy birthday’ like a rambunctious polka about the end of the world from the guy who brought us ‘Christmas at Ground Zero.’
Loretta wishes a happy birthday (and a fond farewell) to her ex beau. Efficient!
Even though this banger by the Southern trap squad reveals itself to be about somebody pretending it’s their birthday, the chorus’s ‘Ay, who birthday? Put yo hand up’ is enough to place it next to ‘In Da Club’ as an anthem perfect for calling attention to yourself on your big night.
‘You’re older than you’ve ever been / and now you’re even older.’ Happy birthday! Life is a fleeting blip in the universe!
You might want to save Sufjan’s slowly-finger-picked b-day meditation for after everyone leaves the party.
‘It’s not even my birthday,’ starts Rihanna, though we’re not entirely convinced... wait, this isn't about cake at all, is it?
The flirty pop queen didn't really exhaust herself overthinking the euphemisms here: ‘So let me get you in your birthday suit/It's time to bring out the big balloons.’ Wow, sounds like a great party. Will there be a bounce house as well?
Totally relatable, unless you want something other than a big booty for your birthday.
Mr ‘American Pie’ get expectedly sentimental when it’s time to blow out the candles, gifting an unnamed celebrant this exact song and making the rest of us feel thoughtless for just showing up with a card.
An ode to the best kind of sex, behind ‘makeup,’ ‘angry,’ ‘post-breakup’ and ‘in the supply closet at work.’
You might be surprised that the guys behind ‘Song No 2’ are also responsible for this somber b-day serenade.
It’s the heavy metal b-day banger you've been waiting for all these years, courtesy of the Adult Swim shredders from Metalocalypse.
This is the emo birthday song for all the emo kids who claim they don't actually do birthdays, ok?
Like Selena says, even if it’s not your birthday, no one's gonna know! (This also works when you want a free piece of cake at the chain restaurant.)
This MDNA bonus track sounds like the kind of thing an exuberant 5 year old might shout out at their party. Just proving Madge is perfect at any age.
You don’t have to know anyone named Johnny to appreciate this wistful piano ballad from St. Vincent’s otherwise throbbing and synth-heavy Masseduction - just someone who’s no longer in your life, who you still think about longingly at least once a year.
The twisted pop duo crank up the sweet-n-sugary on this birthday tune, which gets an extra-bitter callback on the later album Chocolate & Cheese.
Hopefully you’re having a better birthday than Max Bemis.
Somewhere in the Midwest, a very excitable HR specialist is blasting this to celebrate turning 46 right now, and everybody else enjoying a Tuesday dinner at Chilis is all about it.
Before she was Björk, she was wishing you a happy birthday with this extremely Icelandic pop tune full of spiders, worms and ravens.
As Frankie Cosmos, NYC songsmith Greta Kline sings masterfully about getting older and staying the same.
It’s only a 15 second clip from The Simpsons, but it’s up there with Marilyn Monroe purring to JFK as the definitive version. If you don’t say ‘go to hell, you old bastard’ after your buddy blows out the candles, did you even grow up in the ‘90s?
Unsurprisingly, Morrissey isn’t super into birthdays.
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